The idea of betrayal in romantic relationships seems obvious: cheating physically, having an emotional connection elsewhere, and lying. But since the digital age began, things have changed a lot. What may be seen as innocent flirting on social media by one person may be seen as a serious betrayal by another. Modern technology has not only created new ways to cheat, it has also changed what we think of as a breach of trust.
The old trick of betrayal is still being used
Surveys and studies show that people’s ideas about cheating are not very different from what they used to be. Cheating on a partner is still seen as the worst thing a person can do. This is followed by emotional infidelity, where a partner invests their feelings, time and emotional energy in someone else, creating a deep connection with them, which is often hidden from their partner.
But the main difference between yesterday and today is the opportunities available and the size of these opportunities. In the past, if someone wanted to flirt or start a secret relationship, they would have to spend time and effort on it. Nowadays, we can access a whole world of temptation right in the pocket of our smartphone.
From liking posts to having anonymous chats
The digital environment has created a vast ‘grey area’ where the rules of behaviour are unclear. Couples often don’t talk about what they’re comfortable with online. This can make one partner feel betrayed by actions that the other does not think are wrong.
Which digital activities are most likely to cause problems now?
- People use secret messaging apps and social networks to talk to each other. Many people think that regular ‘secret’ messages (with hidden chats and passwords) with a former partner or new acquaintance is already a violation of boundaries.
- Flirting and liking. If you like seeing someone’s sexy photos, if you like their flirty comments, or if you like their direct messages, this could be a sign of emotional infidelity. This is true even if you don’t want to meet them in real life.
- Viewing pornography. Some couples might see this as normal, but others might see it as an act of disrespect and betrayal, especially when it comes to personalised content or interactive platforms.
- Making profiles on dating sites. If you have an active account on Tinder or Bumble while you’re in a relationship, most people will think that you’re willing to cheat.
The problem here is not the action itself, but the fact that it’s a secret and what they’re planning to do. If you don’t tell your partner about certain behaviours, there’s a good chance they won’t like it.
Video chats where you don’t have to use your real name
Platforms for anonymous video communication, such as Bazoocam and similar ones, deserve special attention. These services take the idea of flirting online and cheating to a new level.
Bazoocam is a website where users can chat with strangers from around the world. Originally, it was created as a tool for meeting new people and practising foreign languages. But it quickly turned into a space where all social rules are forgotten. The fact that Bazoocam lets you stay anonymous is really important. People who don’t give their real names and faces feel less responsible for what they do. Flirting, talking about private things, and even doing sexual things in front of the camera with a stranger can easily and quickly become a reality that you can just erase.
If you’re in a relationship, you might find this tempting. It’s a way to feel excited, get attention and have fun without leaving home and without leaving any digital traces. But is it cheating? Many people do. It’s when a partner starts to feel and behave in a way that’s not faithful, like looking at other people or not giving their partner the attention they need.
Another video chat app like Bazoocam is CooMeet, but it has a different business model. This analogue of Bazocam says it is the ‘first gender filter’. Bazoocam is completely anonymous and free, while CooMeet focuses on communication between men and women. Even though there are differences, the risk to relationships is pretty similar. It’s a way to connect with the outside world easily and secretly, which is easy to hide from your partner.
Why is digital cheating so harmful?
Many people wrongly think that online cheating is not cheating because ‘nothing physical happened’. But neuroscience and psychology say the opposite. Finding out about cheating on a computer makes the brain react in the same way as it does when you experience physical pain. The feelings of humiliation, anger, loss of trust and self-worth are all the same.
What’s more, the digital environment makes the trauma worse. Pictures of the screen, messages and the website you were on become real proof of the pain you feel when you think about something. It’s often worse to not know what happened than to have a fact.
How can you protect your relationship in the digital age?
The only way to avoid a crisis of trust is to talk about it and set clear boundaries.
- Open dialogue. The most important step is to talk to your partner about what you each think is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour online. Be clear about what you want to know: ‘Can I like my exes’ posts?’, ‘How do we feel about video chats?’, ‘Is watching porn cheating?’.
- Transparency. We should agree on a reasonable level of transparency. This doesn’t mean you have to give your partner the passwords to all your accounts, but being willing to show them your messages or not hiding your phone screen can be a great way to build trust.
- Focus on real relationships. Often, people start looking for adventure online because they are not happy at home. If you put time and effort into having good conversations, doing things together and being physically close, you can create a strong foundation that can’t be damaged by the temptations of the internet.
Technology did not create betrayal — it just gave people new ways to do it that were powerful and often anonymous. It’s now more complicated and personal to define what counts as cheating. In the end, it doesn’t matter if the encounter happened in real life or on Bazoocam video chat. It’s about respect, honesty and agreements between two people. In a world where the line between virtual and real is becoming less clear, it’s important to clearly define and protect the boundaries of your relationship based on trust.